Choices...

I've been thinking a lot lately about life. How every one's lives effect other people. So many choices (and non-choices) effect so many more people than just ourselves, for good and bad.

I guess I've been thinking about this for about a week now. Last Saturday I found out that a girl who used to live here, and has since moved, found that her 20 month old darling little boy had passed away in his sleep. I think about it ALL THE TIME! We were not best of friends. We weren't even good friends. I knew her from church. Admired things about her, served with her for a short time in young women's. But hearing about her little boy has just broken my heart! I can't even imagine what they're going through. I can't imagine how I would be able to go on if I were in their shoes.

Anyway, I've been surprise by how much this is impacted me. And as I thought about how much this has impacted me, I started thinking about how other people and their choices impact me. Simple things from my kids bringing me such immeasurable joy when they do something good or kind, how hearing about a loved one struggling with something makes me ache for a way to help them. I'm so thankful that, so far, my siblings and parents have all remained faithful in the gospel. I used to think that if a child or sibling were to go astray, it would be sad and maybe even embarrassing. But now I realize that I wouldn't feel at all embarrassed of them. I wouldn't feel even as much disappointed as I would feel so deeply sad that they are not going to be happy. They would be missing out on so many blessing that can only be enjoyed when you live righteously.

It reminds me of my wedding day. I remember when Steven and I were in the temple about to be sealed. I was overwhelmed with the feelings of joy and peace I had. I remember thinking 'NOTHING would have been worth missing this for'. No 'good in the moment' choice would have been worth risking that feeling I had, knowing that I was going to be sealed to Steven for eternity, and had lived worthily to be there at that time. Every struggle to get there, was totally worth it. I think a lot of things in our life are like that. Hard at the time, and then when we get to a certain point we'll look back and think 'it was totally worth it!' (at least, that's what I'm banking on!)

But that joy wasn't only mine. My parents who were there, shared in that joy. My friends, sister, Steven, old young women's leaders who were there, all shared in that joy. And, along the same line, all of those people are and would be effected if I make or would have made bad decisions. I guess, what I'm saying, or thinking, is that NO sin, effects only one person. Satan may try to tell us, it doesn't matter. It's not going to hurt anyone. He may even tell us that it won't even hurt us, but that we deserve it, or are being too old fashioned if we don't jump in with what society tells us we need to believe. But it's not true. Every sinful act effects those who love us. Every single one. That's why sometimes, I don't like choices. They're too risky. And I really don't like it when I can't control others choices (I know, I know, that's the whole plan. To let us all choose for ourselves). I'm going to have to find a way to accept this and live with it though, because the older my kids get, the less and less control I have, and the more risky the choices get. Here's to hoping and praying that their choices(and the choices of the other's I love) bring me that great joy and not sadness.

Okay, and my rant is now over... you may all go back to your normal lives.