In a FUNK...

I really love being a wife and a mom. I really truly do! Lately, however, I've been in a funk and feeling sorry for myself, and I'm not sure why. There are days when I get up and I think 'Oh, wouldn't it be nice to be Steven and to go to work for most of the day (minus the getting up at 4:00 in the morning) where people are telling you all day how great you are?' Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled I get to stay home with my kids, but there is this basic primitive instinct in most of us (and especially me) to feel appreciated. Let's take a QUICK and CONDENSED run through of my day, and then assess if I'm really appreciated.

I wake up between 6:30-7:30 with my kids (usually Landon) standing next to my bed with his face in mine yelling 'I'M HUNGRY! I NEED BREAKFAST NOW!!' So, I get up and get him breakfast. Usually, this includes him, and Addie, making such a mess, that I'm stuck cleaning up the cold cereal (if I'm lazy) or waffles, pancakes, biscuits, or eggs (if I'm feeling like trying to be a good mom) off the table, chairs, floor, walls, and who knows where else.

While I'm cleaning this up, they run off to make a mess somewhere else. After following them around, trying to stay caught up on all of this, I finally sit down to eat my own breakfast, which is usually shared with the kids.

I take Landon to swim lessons, only to face one fight after another because he doesn't want a certain towel I give him, or doesn't want to wear any shoes, or won't buckle his seat belt, or who knows what else. After swim lessons, lunch is pretty much a repeat of breakfast, Addie starts throwing a fit about this time, because she knows her nap is next, and she doesn't want to face that. I get her laid down, Landon and I have 'quiet time', which isn't really all that quiet most of the time.

I am asked about 500 times a day for food or drinks, to wipe bums, to play cars, read books, put on different costumes for different kids, to push them on the swing, to put on video's and who know what else, and I don't really mind doing all of that. What I do mind, or maybe I should say, what starts to wear on me, is the expectation from everyone that that's just what I'm there for. Is it noticed or appreciated when I stop what I'm doing (which usually isn't something I WANT to do, as much as something that HAS to get done) to do something else the kids don't want to wait for? Is it noticed when I got out of my way to do special things for the people in my family? I'm not sure.

Steven had a meeting at work a couple weeks ago where he was recognized as the #1 SSR at his location. He is constantly winning prizes (most of which I reap the benefit's of, like my $100 and $200 Macy's gift cards) for doing so great. He has a great customer satisfactory rating with all of his clients/customers. Oh, how I wish I could go to a meeting where people were telling me that they thought I was doing a good job. That my efforts are worth it. My kids are still a bit too young to expect too much out of them. I do get the 'Thanks for dinner mom' from them most nights. I get tons of hugs and kisses from them. But I feel like come 5:30, when I'm trying to get dinner made (if I feel like I can be that ambitious (lately this pregnancy is killing me!)) you can't tell that I've been working my tail off all day. So, I'm sure most people who would come into my house would think 'Even if there was an award ceremony for stay at home mom's, you wouldn't even be invited' and maybe that's true, but I should get something for effort.

Do I sound whiny enough? Do I sound ungrateful for the great blessings in my life (mainly my kids?) Because truly I'm not. I think the realization of having my 3rd baby at the end of this year (and supposedly on my own Birthday) is making me realize that it's going to be a LONG time before I have anything for myself (even my own birthday, and I'm not even huge on celebrating birthdays!) or even have time to myself for things I like to do, and a long time before anyone realized all the time and energy I've put into this wonderful, and sacred, job I have as a mom and wife.
Selfishly, I'm glad I have a daughter, who hopefully will one day be a mom, like myself, and realize and understand all the things mom's do for their kids. And I hope that she will be able to realize, like I do, that it's all worth it. It's not easy, that's for sure, but it's worth it. I know that.
I'm not saying my son's won't realize that, but I think it comes later for them. I see my dad now (who as far as I can remember has always respected and honored my mom's role) and see how his view of motherhood and the sacrifices that come along with it have changed since he's seeing his own daughter's going through those things. I really LOVE being a mom. I can't think of a single thing I'd rather do, nor that I feel is more important than what I do. I'd do it all over in a heart beat, and can't wait to see our family grow as we add kids to our family. I don't want to sound discouraged or disgruntled, I'm just focusing on this one not-so-appealing aspect of my job, which is probably not a problem for people who aren't so insecure that they need their ego's stroked all the time like I do.

Reading back over this, it really does sound like a big pity party, and I'm sorry about that. Just thought it might be somewhat therapeutic to get this all down so hopefully I'll get over my 'funk' and be able to tackle my mile long to-do list I have for the day. Here's to hoping it works....

p.s. sorry this is SO long!! Even if no one made it to the end, I feel better getting it all out there!